Avoiding Conflict: Necessary Discussions Ignored
Couples (or even friends...and family) usually come to a point where a serious conversation needs to be had, but first it has to be acknowledged. Too often we avoid topics and work our way around them when they begin inching into the conversation. While we should always choose our battles wisely, some things need to be addressed and (deep breath), discussed.
If you take a look at your relationship and make note of the things you talk about regularly, most of them are probably in regards to things outside of the two of you. Great talks about what's happening in the world, chatter about something funny, talking all about the ridiculously rough (or wonderfully amazing) day you had...so on and so forth. These conversations rarely reference issues. Not petty things like why don't you put the toilet seat down (by the way guys, you should do that), but other bothers...like how you need to spend more QUALITY time together, or whether you think it's time to start discussing having a baby (or seriously considering NOT having one ever) or just asking your partner why they've been distant lately. All of these topics are hard to just bring up, and sometimes when they do, alcohol is involved and things just get awkward...not to mention vital parts of the conversation may not be remembered.
When we have these things weighing on our shoulders and on our minds, it's not healthy and it's always stressful. But we have to grab the bull by the horns and communicate like adults. It's NEVER easy, but it has to be done. The thing is...you have to talk about these things with the person that is involved in them. That means you don't run telling your best friend or coworker (HUGE no-no) that your partner has been distant lately or that you don't feel like you're spending enough quality time together because you're both so busy. Chances are that friend is going to be on your side and in their own feelings, so don't be surprised if their response is something harsh and dramatic like "They're probably cheating"...or..."I wouldn't take that shit. You should leave them." And if you (dare) talk about your relationship to a coworker, don't be surprised if everyone ends up knowing your business or if Anthony/Amy from IT starts hitting on you at the water cooler.
Don't get me wrong, you should talk to your friends about certain things...sometimes you need that. But make sure it's with good reason. Always, always, always talk to your partner first. Even if it's a difficult conversation...something that you think might get really serious really quick...just do it. It's better to start the conversation than keep avoiding it and end up resenting each other, getting into a nasty argument, or causing a complete breakdown in communication.
Let love live on...talk about it.
Until next time lovelies,
Peace, love and lots of talks for all!