Petty: Conflict Choices
Conflict arises in every relationship we have. Whether it be a significant other, friend or family member. These intimate relationships are practically pre-programmed for it because of how close we are with the people who fall into these categories. But when it does arise, how should we deal with it, and which conflicts should we address?
All conflicts should be dealt with, but not directly. In order to move on from them, we must understand why they happened. Is one of you having a rough day? Did something else happen that's causing friction? Does the issue need to be addressed? If it's not addressed, could the relationship suffer?
Pay attention. You know this person well enough to be able to tell if they're having a rough day or have something on their mind that's stressing them out.
Choose conflict? No.
Choose compassion-no matter how catty they're being. Be there for them and cheer them up the best you can. After all, they'd more than likely be there for you too. Assess the situation, pay attention and engage operation "there for you".
Again, pay attention. Think about it. They may be having financial or job related issues, may not be feeling well physically or may just be feeling insecure for one reason or another. If you are attentive to how they've been buying, carrying themselves or feeling, you should be able to asses what is going on-at least generally. Also try running your memory back. Perhaps you two had a disagreement and it didn't get resolved, or you unknowingly said something to hurt them. That could be the trigger.
Choose conflict? Yes and No.
Choose resolution. Approach the situation with empathy and an open mind. Open the lines of communication and hash it out-like adults. (That means no finger pointing). Figure out what is going on to bring things back to where they were.
TO ADDRESS OR NOT
When choosing what to address, you have to ask yourself whether it will affect your relationship a week, a month or a year from now. If the answer is 'yes it will', then it needs to be addressed. Let's face it, there's no coming back from some issues. We all have our deal-breakers, and they won't go away no matter how much they're talked about. Be mindful of those deal breakers. Don't waste too much time pretending to work something out when you know it will ultimately never be resolved. However, if you're confident this is something that could damage the relationship in the future if it doesn't get resolved, and believe that the two of you can resolve it, grow from it and move on, then it needs to be addressed.
Choose conflict? Yes.
If you can come together and learn from this while also being able to move on from it, then go for it.
It's not easy, but we must address conflicts-when they will be beneficial. Every conflict doesn't need to be an all-out discussion. We need to simply pay attention to the people we share these intimate relationships with.
Until next time readers, friends and lurkers alike...
Live in love, peace and communication.