Get It Together: Control v. Compromise
One of the ultimate battles in a new relationship (or even an old one), is learning to understand the difference between when you're being controlled and when compromise is just...necessary.
Control is a typical game played in relationships, whether it be silent or out in the open. Each person in the relationship tries to gain some kind of leverage so that they can protect themselves from getting hurt. It may sound petty, and for the most part, it is...but it's a reality. Luckily, it's usually harmless. But the element of control can easily get out of hand. If they need to know your every move, demand to look through your phone, think you're lying constantly (even though you know you're not), and accuse you of stepping out on them when you go to the gym or grocery store...you know the type..."If you went to the gym then why aren't you sweaty??" ...then you're dealing with someone who has control issues.
This is a danger zone. If they're questioning everything you do and don't trust you at all, then they never will and they want to control your entire life. That's not fair to you or to the relationship you're trying to build. Also, things could go left extremely fast and you could find yourself waist deep in a full on abusive relationship. Be mindful of the controller. Wanting you to call them when you reach every destination-even work in the morning, the gym in the afternoon and wherever you're going for lunch-isn't sweet. It's control.
Compromise however, is a horse of a different color. When you compromise, you recognize a situation for what it is, and decide to change your attitude in order to make your significant other happy in one way or another. This may mean being more understanding, giving affection when you're not sure what's going on with them, or even just being there with them...sometimes just being present, even if it's in silence, is all they need. After all, you never know what someone is going through, so you should be compassionate to everyone. Who better to be deserving of that treatment than the person you're building a future with?
It's easier to jump to conclusions and want to be in control of situations. It's human nature. But when we step back and analyze a situation...or let it be just what it is without excessive analyzing...we are able to see it more clearly and act accordingly without ego or the need for control. Taking those elements out allows for understanding and love to come through. Sometimes...they're not ignoring you to gain leverage. Or taking forever to reply to your texts to purposely be a jerk. The reality may just be that they are having a bad day...or don't know what to say to you because you make them nervous, but they won't admit to it. Suck it up, kill your ego, and be the person that brightens up their day. After all, it isn't always about you.
Until next time, lovers, givers and peace makers...
Peace, love and cute emojis to all.