'Cause I'm Happy: Why do exes never truly want us to be happy?
It's an age-old tale that we all know very well. You have an ex, and they've moved on, but they'd rather you not do the same. Instead they still want to have you on call for when they're lonely, bored with their new flame or just simply miss you the slightest bit. But for this to work out, you can't have moved on yourself. You must NOT move on and be happy in your new relationship so that you can be available to your ex when they're ready to call upon you. To make certain this goes the way they want it to, they will make snarky remarks about your new relationship, text or call you at inappropriate times, and be certain to tell you they miss you regularly.
Most of this sounds absolutely ridiculous. But it's sadly accurate. Sound familiar? If it does, you must stop the cycle.
First, stop opening the door for both snarky and 'loving' commentary. They feel like they can make these comments because you allow it. They're comfortable enough to say inappropriate things about your new relationship because you don't stop them, and more than likely, you make the same type of comments about their significant other. As for the "I miss yous", you're probably guilty of that too. If you've said it back or said it first to them since they've been in a new relationship, whether you are or not, you are also at fault. Stop it.
Secondly, stop communicating in general. Unless you have children together, you shouldn't be contacting each other once one, or both of you has entered into a new relationship. It's disrespectful to whoever either of you has moved on with. Even if you do have children together though, keep the communication focused on co-parenting. People fall into the "but we have kids together" trap more often than not, and end up ruining their current relationship because of it. You shouldn't be texting each other at 1am, unless it is an emergency that involves your child. And emergency is defined as the child is headed to the emergency room. Not that he won't sleep or wet the bed. That can be saved for 8am the next day. A lot of single parents seem to want to interrupt whatever their ex has going on at 12am with an exaggerated emergency involving their child. It's also an attempt to "share a moment" with said ex in hopes of making them think twice about moving on. It's petty and It's childish. Find a hobby.
Lastly (or perhaps this should have been first), make sure you're over them. If they've moved on already...GET OVER THEM. Move on yourself and focus on your own life instead of theirs. The desire to "be there for them" will linger for awhile, but at the end of the day, you're doing yourself a terrible disservice in always making yourself available to be there for them if they are not always available to be there for you. Know your worth, let yourself be happy and cut the crap.
Until next time loves,
Peace, Happiness and Amazing Self-Worth to all!