When to get a clue: They're just not that into you

You meet, you have fun, you seem to get each other like no one else ever has...ever. It's practically perfect and they're essentially the best thing ever. Three, maybe four dates in one week, plans for the weekend...drinks because you're both busy but you've just got to see each other...if only for an hour or two.

Then...they disappear for a few days...don't reply to your texts as quickly as they used to...reply suddenly at 11:30pm...seemingly out of nowhere. At first, you blow it off...maybe they're playing the "keeping my freedom" game...although strangely so. Then it happens more often...and it becomes a pattern. They seem too busy for you...their responses are a little dry and perhaps leaning more towards conversations you'd have with a friend more so than a romantic interest.

They seem to be fading...and it's a little disheartening, but you're not that attached, right? Who cares?

But alas, you're the slightest bit hurt. What just happened? You were into them...but they don't seem...all that into you. Damn...

Snap out of it.

A few things are happening here. First off, you're committing the ultimate crime of doubt. Over thinking a situation causes doubt...which as we all know, crushes more dreams (and relationships) than failure does. Secondly, you may be entering that dark, confusing maze that is the power struggle. You want them to show they care, they want to seem like they don't care as much as they do...because whoever cares the least in a relationship is the one who controls it. Beware the power struggle. Most...and I do mean MOST of the time, it's not worth it. While you're busy going back and forth trying to gain control, you're missing out on time you could be just hanging out or having a drink talking about...whatever..and making memories to build on. But meanwhile, you're focusing on not answering texts too quickly...or at all. 

Lastly, one of you just may not care as much as the other-forreal. Not the "I'm going to act like I don't care when I really do" charade, but actual disregard. So while you're thinking they're playing a game and flirting and this is going somewhere...the reality is they just don't care. Those of you who play the "I don't care" game when you actually do give a damn, just know that if they think you don't care, they'll follow suit, you'll end up confused and well...alone. 

How the hell can we tell if someone's just not that into us though? I can think of a few tell-tale signs:

Guys, she may not be that into you when:
  • She's ALWAYS too busy to hang out (Avoidance)
  • She doesn't want to have drinks or dinner after 7p (Because then it could be perceived as a date!)
  • She brings a friend with her...all...the...time (Easy getaway should the need arise)
  • She never answers your calls (Anytime)
There are a ton of others, but pay attention to at least the bare minimum. And recognize when you've been friend zoned. Most of the time...there really isn't a snowball's chance in hell you're going to get with her...and if you try to, you may ruin a great friendship-and trust.

Ladies, he may not be that into you when:
  • He's only available on weekdays (Hello! Married or already in a relationship)
  • He only calls or texts you after 10pm (Girl...)
  • You haven't met any of his friends (You're beginning to wonder if he has any)
  • He doesn't answer your calls (Anytime)
Again, there are a ton of others, but you've got to stay alert. Don't over think, but be mindful of patterns. And umm...know when you've been friend zoned too. That doesn't just happen to men.

In conclusion, if you're not interested, don't string someone else along. It's rude to waste other people's time and it's counter productive to waste your own. If you're not that into them, but can clearly tell they're into you...just be honest. That's better (and easier) than ending up in a situation you didn't intend to be in and hurting someone because they had a different idea of where it was all going. That goes for men and women. Both play the game and then end up angry, salty and lonely...creating a cycle of wasted time and hurt feelings. Don't be that guy...or girl.

Keep it simple, keep it real and most of all, 'stay woke dawg'.

Until next time beautiful people,

Peace, love and amazing moments to all!