Spring Fresh: How to Tell When You’re Newly in Love Apart From Being in Love With Something New

 

The ‘new new’ situation.  We’ve all been there. You’re in a relationship for what seems like forever, and it ends in a big, dramatic sequence of events leaving you wondering whether you’ll ever find something quite as special…or why you wasted your time.

Most people only experience this particular type of transition once-as far as the ’felt like it lasted forever’ relationship. Usually because we get into said relationships pretty early on in our lives. We usually met “that” person before we could legally drink alcohol. Things clicked, and we practically grow up with them. We grow individually, but within that world, and it’s hard to let it go. Because naturally, no one else is going to know you like they will. No one else will understand you the way they do…be able to feel your energy in your highs and your lows…know from the day you had whether you need red wine or whiskey when you get home or to their place for dinner. They just know you, and you know them. You ask yourself…who else am I going to click like this with? 



Until you meet someone new…and everything just…clicks.

The exact kind of person you once wondered if you’d ever meet again…you have. Everything about them seems perfect. They understand you, share similar interests, hate and love the same things you do. It seems like a perfect match. You think…you may be in love with them! It’s happened!! You found another soul mate and you really think you…may just be…in love.

But how do you know whether you’re actually newly in love…or just in love with something new? The emotions are freakishly similar. With both you’re on a high and nothing can knock you down. That cloud is fluffy and sweet and amazing…so it’s hard to tell how close you really are from crashing down to reality. This reality being that you could really just be in love with that new feeling and not so much the new person.

It’s really tricky, and we all get caught up…but to keep ourselves straight, we have to make sure a few things are in order so we can avoid falling under:

1. Are you truly over your ex? 

You may not know the true answer to this just yet. Especially if you were together for a really long time or have kids together. BUT…if at any point you post something on social media or reply to a text with certain wording to imply that you’ve moved on or are seeing someone new…with the intent of getting a rise out of them or making them jealous, then you aren’t over them yet. If you were over them, you wouldn’t really care what they think. You wouldn’t be putting extra effort into social media activity to @ anyone specific or “subtweet” them, knowing they’ll catch it and retweet it with a response…which you’ll in turn…retweet. If you’re over them, be completely over them and lend your attention to the new person, not to showing off the fact that you found a new person.

2. Do you complain to them about your ex?

STOP. IMMEDIATELY. While it may seem comforting  and they seem totally into what you’re saying and are giving you advice and guiding you through dealing with your ex, they’re also taking notes. Not to say that they aren’t great, but consider this…what would you be thinking if  your new love interest never stopped complaining/talking about their ex? Think of the first 5 things that come to mind. Now realize that they’re thinking the same things. Once you stop complaining about your ex day in and day out and start giving this new amazing individual the time of day they deserve-literally-by asking them about themselves, sharing things and realizing genuine commonalities, that’s when you’ll really be beginning something new.

3. Do you share the same values?

Things like religion and diet may seem minor at first- if you’re not a gung-ho Christian or Vegan. But after time, they’ll set in and cause some friction. Likewise, if you don’t share a common vision for your future, like having 6 kids or living in California or New York or Texas…conflict could rear its ugly head. Know that you’re aiming for common goals before you go declaring your love, even if that means you both have no idea where you‘ll be in five years and are excited about that uncertainty. If you happen to share similar goals and life interests, you may just have something valuable in your hands. Treat it as such.

4. Are you in similar different places in your life?
Do you both have careers…both have children…both starting over…both beginning a new profession? If you’re in similar places, you’ll know it…or at least have an idea of it. And that’s fantastic. Because if you can share war stories and relate to one another, you can go far with this newfound sense of being smitten.

5.  Do you feel the same way about each other?
This could be hard to answer…because obviously, it’s new. But as men and women in 2014, we’ve got to start recognizing when something is special and stop running from it. Sometimes…you just know. So if you’re able to do away with the exterior layers of excitement, and see something deeper, something special and something that could last…act on it. You may both be having the same thoughts, doubts and bouts of excitement…but if neither of you realizes that, you’ll both end up wondering. Eliminate the doubt and if you’re really feeling each other, let it flow. We’re all adults here, and we know what we want. So when you find that special someone, you’ll know. If you’ve got some serious doubts, then they probably aren’t the one. Make wise decisions.

In conclusion, we all have the ability to realize whether we’re in love with a new person or in love with the idea of something new…but we often suppress our feelings or our faith in love. Don’t over-suppress yourself…but don’t over-indulge and seem desperate either. When you know….you KNOW.

Go forth, choose wisely, love freely and be happy.

Until next time lovers,

Peace, love and happiness to all.

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