Love Changes: What (if anything) should you change about yourself for your significant other?

As humans in general, we tend to change certain things about ourselves  when we get into a relationship. Usually, it’s small things like getting up a little earlier, eating at a different time of the day, or even what we drink when we go out. We could also be changing how much we drink, how late we stay up and what our extracurricular activities are.  Some of these changes are definitely for the better, and some aren’t so much…so which ones should we actually change and which ones should we maintain as our ways?

Remember that there should always an element of maintaining your true self…but there should also be an element of compromise. Don’t get stuck in a situation where you’re just being stubborn to be stubborn. That never works out and it’s the formula for annoyance, arguments and resentment down the road. Got it? Ok, good. Now let’s get right into it.

A lot of people think there’s absolutely nothing you should change about yourself for your significant other. These are usually the same people who exclaim the age old “Accept me as I am or not at all!” and “Let me be me!” and everyone’s favorite, “If you can’t accept me at my worst, then you don’t deserve to have me at my best!”. And that’s fine; but sometimes we tend to take these phrases a little too literally and we don‘t always take our own advice. The reality is, your significant other should have patience and compassion-as should you-when one of you is going through something. That something usually being drama that occurred after the relationship started. But neither of you should have to just deal with someone’s worst side. That side is usually the result of something really intense that they should have considered before ever getting into a relationship. After all, you’re their significant other, their lover, their confidant. You’re NOT their parent.

Things to consider changing:
1. Your attitude. If you’re sweet, patient and considerate when you first start dating, don’t switch up, get comfortable and become a total jerk. Sometimes we get comfortable enough in relationships to say whatever comes to mind. That can really hurt  the other person’s feelings even though they may not say anything. They fell for a certain version of you. If they made you want to be nicer when you first started out, they should still make you want to be that way now…don’t forget that feeling.

2. Your eating habits. Hear me out. If your significant other has a healthier diet than yours that tastes great, why not let them guide you a bit with your eating habits? I’m NOT suggesting you become a vegetarian, but if it involves having Chipotle instead of Taco Bell or Five Guys instead of McDonald’s… why not go for the healthier options? In the long run, it’s better for your health and it will even help you stay in a better mood. After all…you are what you eat.

3. Your selfish ways. This one can really go without explanation, but let’s be thorough. A lot of people tend to have selfish ways. They usually reveal themselves when choices are being made as a couple, and often times cause an argument. Don’t be a push over, but don’t battle your point to the death just because you want what you want the way you want it-without considering someone else's feelings. Be considerate.

4. Your cheating ways.
Be faithful or don’t be in a relationship at all. But also know that you’re in a relationship in the first place.

We could also list the likes of dressing like you‘re going to the club-or to bed-when going to the grocery store, wearing certain jewelry and general illiteracy here…but I digress.

Things not to consider changing:
1. Your personality. If you love to do quirky things, dance around the house, chew on your straws or go into zones of reading, writing, creating art, or gardening, don’t stop. Those are elements of your true self, and they should never be changed. Except maybe the straw chewing…when you’re in a 5 star restaurant.

2. Your eating habits:
In contrast, if you’re the one who’s adopted a healthy diet, don’t start ordering pizza every other day, eating at McDonald’s, drinking sodas or eating at 10pm each night. You’ve chosen to keep yourself healthy and put good things into your body. Don’t forfeit all of your hard work to fit in with your significant other’s eating habits.

3. Your alcohol intake. You probably laughed at this one. But it’s true. Sometimes we get around someone who we like, but who also seems to get obliterated every chance they get. This may conflict with your occasional drinking habits. Not to say you don’t throw down when you get the chance, but you don’t transform into a binge drinker every time you drink…and you remember most, if everything from the night before. Don’t start binge drinking just because they do. No need to keep up, because if anything, at least one of you needs to have a half-clear mind. Also, if they’re showing some scary signs early on, like blacking out or becoming a whole different person when they drink, you may want to rethink the whole thing. Furthermore, if you don’t drink at all…no need to start.  Although I’d recommend linking up with someone else who lives the sober life.

4. Your sleeping habits. Don’t give up your beauty sleep to stay up at all hours just because your significant other is a night owl. If they’re not going to get up at 7am with you, don’t stay up until 4am with them. Go to bed. Alternatively, if you’re the night owl and thrive on an 11p-5am type of schedule, try to meet someone else that does. There are tons of people who live the vampire schedule where they are asleep in the daytime and productive all night. Don’t rob someone of their sleep at night…their sleep in the daytime…or their sanity in general.

Some other things worth maintaining include keeping an active lifestyle, saving regularly towards an emergency fund, flossing your teeth and so on…but I know you have somewhere to be, so I’ll keep the list short.

In conclusion, be you…stick to your ways…but know when to compromise, make better choices for you and your relationship… and put your stubbornness on the back burner. It’ll pay off in the long run. Remember that.

Until next time lovers, dancers and readers…

Peace, love and balance to all!