In Search of...Career or Love
Whether you're single or attached, a parent or not, gay or straight, you're more than likely focused on one of two things right now: your career or your love life.
This choice isn't based on an astrological sign or even your upbringing. Modern day men and women think for themselves now more than ever and we're either trying to get rich or trying to get hitched. It just is what it is. What about those doing both? Oh they're out there too, but today we're focusing on people actively seeking one or the other. You'll find however, that while we are looking at the either or, the effects of seeking both will also come to light.
First we'll go with the love birds. These individuals just want love. They date in hopes of finding the perfect partner and just want to get married praying that they end up living the fairy tale they envision. Sure, some of the love-seeking ladies may have "daddy issues" and some of they guys just might have a few "mommy issues". It just comes with the territory. But there's nothing wrong with that, right? After all, we all need love-no one will deny it. Love is defined as an intense feeling of affection; a person or thing that one loves... when you feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. Who doesn't want that? Many people find it daily. I personally love love. It's great. You feel great, you make someone else feel great. Together you think nothing can come between you and you can overcome anything. It's a great feeling you share with someone else who essentially completes you...the kind of fearlessness you experience as a kid. All we need is love, love.
Sure, a career can't hold you at night, but love doesn't pay the bills. So what happens when that intense feeling or attachment fizzles or the financial obstacles life throws at you become too much to handle? Then you fight, you decide this isn't for you...you break the bond because love turned out to be less than what you both really needed as security. What now? Do you move on to the next, or try to make it work because that's what you're 'supposed to do'? You have to make a decision to consider yourself a failure in love or move on-either to another person or with yourself. But if you're moving from person to person, hoping that they're the one but getting your heart broken over and over...where are you really going with love?
Think for a moment the average amount of time we as humans spend thinking about a break-up. You think of all the reasons that person is terrible, you accuse, you get depressed, wonder what you did wrong, exclaim what they did wrong and carry on like that for a few days. Some people carry on with questions in their head for months. It's human nature. But we never ask the real questions to ourselves, about ourselves. Why was I not happy? What am I missing in my life that makes me feel empty? Why do I feel lonely when I'm always with someone?
More than likely, you're not satisfied with where you are in your life. All of those goals and dreams you had for yourself before you met this person-where did they go? Into thin air? Nope. They're still there. Still in your mind, still in your heart. But you suppressed your hopes and dreams to be in a relationship because that's what we do. You can't go to all of the seminars, classes, events you'd go to as a 'single' person. All of the events that put you in contact with people that could change your life. You could meet your mentor, get advice from someone you admire, get amazing career advice...even work a few different jobs to see what really grabs you...what you have a real passion for. But if you do all of that, how will you make those nightly calls? Plan date night? Go to the park to just hang? We can try to do it all but quickly realize we can't do both. There will be numerous times that opportunities within your career track will suffer because your significant other really wants you to have movie night...and times that your relationship will suffer because you have to work a full day then go to a networking mixer...where you meet a great contact and chat for an hour or two. And maybe you figured not doing those things would make it last...maybe you figured that was your "sacrifice" for love. Either way, the reality is that you can't truly love someone else the way they deserve to be loved and have the flexibility to give them the time they need and deserve until you're happy with yourself and have accomplished goals you set for your life.
Think about it. Neither men nor women have any business complaining about not having a date in days or weeks... or that their friends are married and they're single...when they themselves have no idea where they're going in life. No plan, no achieved goals, no vision. At the end of the day, you could meet the man or woman of your dreams and they may keep it moving because you don't have any real plans for yourself other than having a partner. Some may say that's rude or egotistical, but it's reality. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't share the core value for goals that you do? That's something to think about. Something else to think about are the individuals who take you through the runaround even though they don't see a future with you...or rather, they see that you don't have real plans for yourself. You fall for them then get hurt because you were hoping for that magic and they were just entertaining themselves. Now you're that "damaged" guy or girl...whether it's self-proclaimed or an assessment from outsiders.
You may know the person you're supposed to be with this very moment. But you're not together because-either consciously or subconsciously- you want to live the dreams and plans you have for yourself so you both can love each other proper.
Be patient. Once you're happy with yourself, your life and the beautiful things you've done...it is then that you'll truly be open to the love you and your partner are meant to have.
Until next time beautiful people...I wish you understanding, achievement and love...in that particular order.
Thanks for reading and check back in at 11:11 pm for the Side Chicks & Scandal post!